I need funny stories about speakers and speaking

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Permalink Reply by Bob VandePol on April 1, 2009 at 9:43pm

The Law of Unintended Consequences
Perhaps you have also faced this problem. To say that my contact person was anal would be an understatement. No matter how much pre-event information I sent, she always had yet another tedious request. She probably resigned from the IRS in disdain for its frivolity. Needless to say, I was deeply chagrined when she announced that now that she had 117 pages of my bio (not really, it just seemed that way), she intended to introduce me before the keynote. Nooooooo! I could already envision an elegant ballroom full of a thousand sleeping people before I even approached the mic. What a horrible way to kick off a conference!

The day before the full conference began I led a full-day pre-conference training for 50 people who would also be part of the crowd at my keynote. We therapy types bond quickly so I solicited their help as accomplices in a rather devious plan.

I asked them all to sit together, 50 strong, in the middle of the auditorium and told them that when the introduction had droned onto the second page I would begin strolling across the stage behind "Marian the Librarian", serially raise fingers counting up to 3, and on 3 they were all to stand simultaneously and shout "Who cares?!" That should get my speech off to a rousing start, save ten minutes of presentation time, and rescue any future keynoters from the same fate.

As predicted, she read every line on the first page. Some of them twice. I rose slowly from my seat, located my "posse" grinning widely in rows 17 & 18, positioned myself according to plan, and began the countdown. At 3, 49 people elevated 6-8 inches from their chairs and plopped down rapidly.........leaving one poor little red-headed woman to solo "Who caaaaarrrresss?" They were slick, the crowd was somewhat confused but certainly engaged, EMT professionals were on hand rapidly, and one career as Introducer ended immediately.

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Permalink Reply by BobLee on April 2, 2009 at 10:58am

I'm sure I know that "Introducer from Hell". I still run into her equally dim-witted sisters (and brothers) far too often.

I have reduced my Intro to 57 words ..... none more than three syllables with phonetic spelling for anything that might befuddle a 3rd grader ..... I have it printed in 24pt Ariel type on a 5x7 index card ..... I personally hand it to my Introducer well before showtime and watch as they peruse it .... if their lips move as they scan the card I know "here we go again !!!" I specifically request that they read it verbatim because I play off of several elements in the intro ..... JUST READ THE FREAKIN' CARD !!!!

My stage name is "BobLee". I use to go by "BobLee Swagger" but dropped the Swagger because DESPITE my 24pt 5x7 card I would be introed as BobLee SwaggerT ..... Bobby Swaggert ..... Reverend BobLee Swaggert ...... and once, TRUE STORY .... as freakin' Jimmy Swaggert.

Where does it say in the Introducer Handbook to assign the task to THE most anal-compulsive dyslexic dimwit in the organization. Do organizations hold American Idol-esque tryouts to find THE worst of its bunch for this quite simple task?

I used to have a snappy rejoiner to the botched intro ..... now I just stick a salad fork in my eye and start my show.

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Permalink Reply by Rob Wallis on April 3, 2009 at 3:04pm

George,

One of these videos (there are four of them) has some of the top NSA speakers describing their funniest platform moments. Maybe you can use them, and , if not, it's educational.

Cheers! RB.
NSA speaker panel

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